Spilling the Beans - #1 Healing My Inner Child

Healing My Inner Child: How Motherhood Gave Me a "Redo"

Growing up in Canada as the child of immigrant parents in the 90s, my world felt incredibly intense. My parents were constantly working, juggling the crushing anxiety and overwhelm of building a life in a new country. There were no arranged playdates or curated activities—just neighborhood free-play and a heavy, unspoken pressure to excel. The mandate was clear: do well in school and get into a top university. As a kid, I didn’t fully understand what failure meant, only that it would feel like the end of the world.

I struggled deeply with my self-identity and walked out of those years carrying a lot of regrets, anxieties, and a harsh, toxic inner voice.

But then, I became a mother. And something incredible happened. Motherhood didn't just change me—it started to heal me. It gave me a second chance. A "redo."

Healing the Past with Empathy

For a long time, I viewed my childhood through the lens of what was missing. But standing in the shoes of a parent now, I finally understand the overwhelming pressure my parents faced. Loving my own children has allowed me to reframe how I look at my mom and dad. Instead of harboring old regrets, I find myself wanting to give them the reassurance, grace, and calm they never had the space to feel as young immigrants. Seeing them enjoy my kids without that survival anxiety has been a gift. They didn’t have the tools to be calm parents, but they get to be beautifully calm grandparents.

Redoing Connections and Friendships

I used to chase validation, saying "yes" to everything just to fit in. Today, I look at friendships through a completely different lens: kindness is true strength. I am redoing friendships in the confident way I wish I had when I was younger. It’s no longer about the quantity of people in my circle, but the quality. I’ve learned to guard my time and fiercely protect my boundaries for the sake of my mental well-being.

My marriage, too, has shifted focus. My parents' marriage was about surviving day-by-day. My husband and I consciously choose a different path. We refuse to just let time pass us by; we treat each other as best friends and deliberately put effort into our connection every single day. We know that the way we love each other is setting the blueprint for how our children will define love and happiness.

Rewriting the Inner Voice

The most surprising part of this journey is how teaching my children has transformed me. Every time I talk to my kids about facing hardships, dealing with difficult people, or standing tall in their worth, those words bounce right back into my own heart. I am actively rewriting that toxic inner voice I grew up with.

At 40 years old, I am finally standing in my power. I am good enough. I can do better, but I don’t need to be perfect to be worthy.

Choosing Presence Over a Perfect To-Do List

Time is no longer a rushed, frantic thing to get through. It is a precious commodity. I used to be trapped in a cycle of planning the next plan, completely missing the moment I had worked so hard to reach. Now? I intentionally let the to-do list pile up. Not out of laziness, but because I refuse to sacrifice my state of mind for productivity.

I want to be fully present to enjoy these fleeting moments with my kids. I exercise now—not for vanity or to meet anyone else's beauty standards—but for the mental break and physical strength it gives my body as I age.

I’ve come to realize a fundamental truth: my children’s happiness depends heavily on my own happiness and peace of mind. Taking care of myself isn't selfish; it’s the foundation of our home. I spent the first half of my life struggling to figure out who I was. Who knew that the messy, beautiful, exhausting journey of motherhood would be the very thing that finally healed me?